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Dating Life for the Average Man in America

Lets take a look at what happens if you decide to be average in the dating market. It isn’t pretty so lets go ahead and jump right in.

Joe in College: Professors who have accomplished nothing, are teaching him about sociology and life. They obtained PHDs in XYZ humanities major to pursue a career in teaching the exact same major. He believes that women are princesses who should be treated accordingly. Besides, they have been oppressed for so long.

Joe gets black out drunk at college parties. He gets a sloppy make out here and there… he even loses his virginity by acting outlandish at a party. He can’t put two and two together. He catches feelings for this new “girl” and she rejects him.

Joe 23 Years Old: He gets on tinder and every other online dating program there is. He still doesn’t have the skills or courage to simply meet people in real life so he sets up dates by utilizing “online game”.

Oddly enough, every single date he goes on ends with some sob story from the girl he is with: “Oh my god this D-bag I was dating cheated on me…”

He nods and consoles her. At the end of the date he gives her a hug and doesn’t even bother going for a kiss. It’s too soon.

He cannot convince her to meet in the future.

Joe 24-28 Years Old: For some reason his matches on Tinder are increasing but he is still not able to secure a girlfriend. He gets too drunk on dates, but surprisingly, a lot of these drunken dates end up in a notch or two. The girls immediately have no interest in Joe the next morning and go back to their regular lives. He feels slightly happier about his life but somewhat empty inside, he feels the need for a relationship.

The girls? They get high fives from their friends. Her closest friends call her a “slut” and it is taken as a complement. They proudly keep their “Come Party With Sluts” t-shirts from college Spring Break.

Joe 29 Years Old: For some reason he is receiving a higher amount of eye contact from women. He just turned 29. Miraculously, out of the blue, he meets a 29 year old woman who is “done with the scene”. Everything is perfect! He’s ready to settle down, she’s ready to settle down… What could possibly go wrong? He ignores the fact that she approached him at a party. It is odd because this never used to happen before.

What a coincidence!

She forces him to wait 7 whole dates before they have sex and he is completely cool with it. He never gets the details about her previous partying past. Unbeknownst to him, it was chalk full of drugs, alcohol with strange men and many, many, many one night stands.

Joe 30 Years Old: Joe is somewhat happy in his current relationship, he is gaining some weight but it’s not a big deal. His girlfriend invites him to multiple weddings and she attends many bachelorette parties in Las Vegas. Joe is no longer on Tinder, he does not have any online dating accounts. Everything happened according to the “life plan”

As his physique gets slightly worse, he begins dressing slightly worse and naturally the reaction from women is slightly… worse. He doesn’t have the social skills to recognize the changes and continues down the path.

Joe 31 Years Old: He finally pops the question to get married. She immediately agrees. They begin sending out wedding invitations.

The photo on the cover is a picture of him kissing her on the cheek and her staring directly at the lens. The classic photo for a wedding afterall.

Walking down the aisle, he is on cloud 9. He finally found that missing “piece” in his life.

Joe 31-34 Years Old: He sees that many of the likes on their wedding photos are from men. Some of these men are even the guys he used to hate in college, those “dude bro d-bags”, those losers.

His wife is now pregnant and he assumes the mood changes are due to her conception. Things will change in a few years he says.

Joe 35 Years Old: Nothing has changed for the better. Joe is changing diapers, running around the house and trying to bring in more income at the same time. His wife did not lose the weight she gained during her pregnancy and she wants to quit her full time job.

As the days go on he continues to question his life decisions. A life he cannot live again…