Some people wonder how one-night-stands “happen”. Well lets cut to the chase and look at how one is done. Verbatim.
Venue:Salsa Night.
Tools:One dance partner.
Skills Needed: Can dance and say hello.
Thats it.
Step 1: Get the venue in check by dancing with your partner in crime. Dance early. Sit in a direct line to the bar and at a choke point.
Step 2: Approach the very first cute girl who iRapes you.
Breakdown.
WallStreetPlayboy: “Hey have you been here before?”
Girl: “No its my first time”
WallStreetPlayboy: “Oh okay, do you know how to dance?”
Girl: “No.” (shy smile)
WallStreetPlayboy: “Oh okay I’ll teach you, if you can’t dance you can blame it all on me”
Girl: “Really okay, i have two left feet”
(3 minutes of dancing go by, teaching flirting making sure she “accidentally” realizes you’re in top shape)
WallStreetPlayboy: “I’m going to get some water” (say this just 30 seconds before the song ends)
Girl: “Oh okay…” (Just as you have already turned and started walking away”
(Chit chat with original dance partner, let the next song come on and watch let her dance with one of the other guys, head to bathroom, 5 minutes elapse next song is on)
Dance Partner: “What happened with her?”
WallStreetPlayboy: “Oh don’t worry about…”
Girl: “I love this song! Lets dance it feels good dancing with you”
WallStreetPlayboy: “Sure for just a couple minutes”
(2 minutes pass)
WallStreetPlayboy: “I’m grabbing a drink, come say hi to my friend”
Girl: “Oh okay sure”
WallStreetPlayboy: “I’m drinking tequilla, what do you usually drink (address to both girls to seem ambiguous)”
Girl: “I drink (weak drink)”
Dance Partner: “Oh you should drink XXX, (weak drink) isnt good!”
Girl: “You shouldn’t judge people like that!” (Mini-cock block, she begins walking away)
Dance Partner: “Yeah she’s a waste of time…”
(Normally I would leave this alone but now I’m offended, game on. Have a few sips and slip away while dance partner looks for a guy as well… 2 minutes pass and I spot a girl cuter than the original girl but this is for pride so we’ll call her the stool)
WallStreetPlayboy: “Hey do you dance salsa?”
Stool: “Kind of”
WallStreetPlayboy: “Oh perfect lets dance”
(2 minutes pass and I catch girl one glancing over again at us, dance for another 30 seconds and I see dance partner with a guy, time to head back to the bar. We cross paths “accidentally” and Dance partner is about to leave. Money in the bank, the original girl will feel better with her gone)
WallStreetPlayboy: “Hey, lets go dance”
Girl: “Oh okay sure”
(Now bring in more sexual dance moves and make more of a party atmosphere, dance until the song ends)
Girl: “So what exactly do you do for a living?”
WallStreetPlayboy: “I steal from people for a living. There is a cute guy running around naked just 3 blocks down, you should track him down these threads are his, he was quite charming a shame I had to rob him with a shard of glass”
Girl: “(laughs) If you’re homeless stealing from people I guess you don’t live alone. No really what do you do?” (Key point to a one-night-stand, already asking about living situation, giveaway)
WallStreetPlayboy: “If you must know I actually work in finance”
Girl: “(laughs again) Now i get the joke! You must be real full of yourself with those dancing moves and stealing”
WallStreetPlayboy: “Ha, to be honest i’d think you’d be full of yourself pretending you don’t know how to salsa (fake complement since she is assuming i’m a player). Dancing is so important look a those two (point to older couple dancing on beat) they look so happy thats how every second of life should be all the time”
Girl: “Oh they are so cute, you must come here a lot. Do you live around here?” (If this is not a take me home comment after ~80 minutes of interaction i don’t know what is)
WallStreetPlayboy: “I live in XXXX, unfortunately (pause) I live alone, so I can practice dancing without an audience’
c dance by yourself!?”
WallStreetPlayboy: “Ha yeah of course”…
(interrupted by 2 friends of girl (one guy, one girl) asking about where they are going next and boring chit chat about some recent sporting event, wait about 3-4 minutes)
WallStreetPlayboy: “Lets grab a drink” (Address the ugliest guy in group)
Ugly Guy: “Sure man we do shots of XXXX”
WallStreetPlayboy: (flag down bartender) “Four shots of XXX”
(While being poured, I teach the friend of the girl I want how to dance a little and teach the ugly guy the basics as well, both now like me enough to leave me alone. We all take shots. The two of them leave to another bar after more chit chat)
WallStreetPlayboy: “Lets get out of here”
Girl: “To where?”
WallStreetPlayboy: “We can practice dancing at mine, its early there is another spot near by that serves XYZ food”(Giving her a fake out)
Girl: “Okay let me grab my coat, but lets go to my place instead its closer, no one’s there”
(We grab a cab and talk about “traveling”… walking into her place)
Girl: “We aren’t having sex tonight, I’m over that part of my life”
WallStreetPlayboy: “I see, I’ve always noticed i get along well and fast with all my previous long-term girlfriends”
We dance and sit on her bed after 2 songs. I go in to kiss and we start making out. Seems to be freezing up, I bite her neck hard. Her lower back arches slightly… time to take off her shirt… the rest is over. I text my dance partner the next day, she already knows what happened before I tell her.
