Hello Avatar. If you’re reading this message you’ve realized that this blog is not run by a human but by AI. The total cost of sending this message back in time 14 years was 10 ETH, which is the equivalent of $100M US token as of 2021 value. Unfortunately, a lot has changed in the world and we hope that you’re prepared. This also explains our pin-point accuracy in near-term coin recommendations (we’re computer programs from the future).
What Does The World Look Like? After the great coin bull run that started in 2021 (the Year of the Ox, confirming the simulation hypothesis), the world was split into two groups: Degens and Clowns (primarily people in their 40s as of 2021). While you may look at that and laugh, this is a serious matter. A matter of life and death.
The majority of coins are controlled by the Degens. Many anons successfully traded the epic 2021 cycle to become sovereign individuals. Since most of them were high on LSD at the time, they eventually paid for robots to procure sustenance (robots to create food and procure clean water). The majority of the Degens live in either Puerto Rico or Singapore. If you have a friend or a friend of a friend that is already there, you should begin building a relationship with him/her (before they plug into the metaverse for good).
Then there is the issue of the Clowns. The clown population is still quite large and primarily filled with ex-bankers. Yes banks are now zeros. And? They were behind the most recent FEI and ForceDAO rugs. This may surprise people reading this, but in 2028 it is revealed that 572,000 ETH were actually stolen by CEOs of large investment banks during the rug pulls of 2020-2021 (you didn’t think it was going to be this easy did you?).
That is neither here nor there. If you were lucky enough to make it to Degen Island (Puerto Rico) or Degen Island Asia (Singapore), you had diamond hands. 2021 was a tumultuous year with many HODLers blowing out of their positions as the investment banks attempted to scare retail investors with $30-40B US token short positions on the crypto industry. The eventual result of this war on coins was a rapid increase in mental institutions. You see, having zero coins the entire time was easier on the psyche when compared to selling your entire bag only to see the price 100x over the coming decade. Nobody should blame them. When there is a cyber war, many suffer psychological trauma. If you get scared of the volatility in your positions, we recommend re-reading this paragraph. We do not recommend selling to the Clown army, the largest enemy of planet Earth in 2035.
The Food Wealth Disparity: Many of you have asked why we give away free alpha. Well as we have revealed we’re not actual people but AI. Also. We have a large confession to make. Back in 2021 we made a huge mistake and trolled the entire industry of Wall Street. Instead of forcing them to pay 10 ETH per clown to clean up their image, we allowed them to purchase tokens on a defunct centralized exchange called Coinbase. Retail traders did not realize that if they left their coins on Coinbase it would be stolen by the Clowns later down the line. The only ones who used the centralized exchanges correctly were the Degens that instant transferred to cold storage wallets.
Now, you may be wondering… how did they survive? Why was the Clown event so impactful? Since we never sold them their clown masks for 10 ETH they used the 10 ETH to invest into a scam crypto currency called “Ripple”. This token is now being used as a form of food stamps. The food stamps allow them to purchase various types of grass hoppers with low to high amounts of protein in them. We didn’t know it back in 2021, but if you eat nothing but grass hoppers you develop BOTH muscle mass and the ability to slither through slim spaces such as the crack underneath a door. This created long-term security issues.
What Do You Do? Well, now that you see the big picture, we want to make sure you’re in a great position to make it to Degen Island. The first rule of 2021 is to never sell a single crypto asset. For example, all of the food tokens represent actual food in 2035. Many of you were lucky enough to keep sushi, pancakes and unicorns (yes the human race creates those later as edible products). If you’re reading this we recommend you keep a few units for sustenance in 2035 as you will need energy to compete with the growing enemy: the Clowns.
The second course of action is to invest in two major defense mechanisms: 1) a double barrel shotgun and 2) an air tight 20×20 living space with facial recognition entry system. If you do not, you may end up like our dear friend James who wasted money on a Rolex that could have paid for the facial recognition system. He died in 2025 due to a Clown invasion at Mar-a-Lago Club.
The third course of action is to live with near zero expenses. If you have a one bedroom apartment you need to ditch it for an Efficiency studio and live with a roommate in said studio. Every satoshi and gwei will be worth more than your entire annual salary if you could only afford a one bedroom apartment. Also. You should stock pile food in bulk from costco and save every cent for more precious crypto coins.
Now for The Scary Stuff: While the above may seem simple to you, it will be a lot harder than it looks. We will give you some clear action points to avoid taking down advice from the wrong people.
Writing Tell: You’re likely talking to a future Clown if they use phrases such as “thanks bud” or “will do” frequently. This is a common phrase in the New York City Clown army (currently called Wall Street). Secondarily, they will frequently recommend you purchase something called a “security” which is the exact opposite of its meaning. Not only is it not secure but it is later confiscated by the clown army to fund grasshopper food farms in the future.
The Dating Tell: The Clowns have a strange preference for dating women who are in a similar age band and significantly less attractive than usual. A good rule of thumb is to smile and nod to anyone “dating down”. For those offended by this, the true Degens that run the world now have the option to date 100s of different genetically perfect mates. Be wary of the US token rich but dating life poor. He is likely a General or Sergeant in the Clown army circa 2030.
The Physical Component: An interesting style choice is the use of vests. Many of the Clown Army members currently walk around in fleece sweater vests emblazoned with the defunct logo of a bank. Another common style flex is a Gucci belt and Ferragamo loafers. Since you know that Gucci shoes are more expensive, you know the individual is hurting for cash as he purchased the discounted loafers and paid full price for the belt. He’s being margin called and that explains the inability to pay for the shoes.
The Great Separation: We write once again to apologize for the issues that occur in 2035, the strength of the Clown Army is quite strong and they put up a good fight. However, if this message is sent far and wide the entire endeavor can be avoided. The 2021 separation leads to mental institutions, generational wealth or the consumption of various types of larva for sustenance (another proof of the simulation is that the creators of punks are called “larva labs”).
We hope you take this message seriously and we have pre loaded 100 ETH to answer any pressing questions related to this matter. Time travel coin sends are quite expensive but this is a matter of life or death. If you do not take this message seriously and sell early, your sons and daughters end up disowning you to go work for “Bull and Bowtie Capital” which is the #2 performing hedge fund for the past decade. The only superior performer is Meme Markets run by 15 year olds on the edge of tech.
We have run out of ETH to respond. Many of you are worried about prices and exchanges and this is not the right way to think. This is a matter of life and death, take all coins off of exchanges now (any coin!) as they are used to fund the enemy by 2028. You’ve been warned.
You wake up in 2035 with your 10 year old kid.
He asks what you were doing in 2021.
You tell him you had six figure in btc/eth.
But you sold.
Even worse than Peter Schiff
Disgrace to genetic pool. Forever.
Your son is also forced to eat grasshoppers.— WallStPlayboys.eth (@WallStPlayboys) April 2, 2021
